*Pew! Pew!* *Killshot*

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millennial-review:

tiktoks-i-like:

adventures-in-theatre:

• so you know how everyone has a story
  
• you know
• like the story
• like if you’re at a party and someone turns to you and says, tell the story
• and you know exactly what they mean
• the story
• well 
• i have a story
• and not unlike most good stories, it involves three key components:
• barack obama
• pre-2008 reebok sneakers 
• and the absolute earth-shattering horror you can only feel after making the worst mistake of your life 

• so here we go
• it all began eight years ago
• (i was a gangly child then) 
• and barack obama came to town
• (when i was a young girl)
• (my father took me out into the city)
• (to see the president of the united states, obama) 
• (barack obama)
• except it wasn’t the city but where my parents worked 
• and my mother was hired to take pictures of obama shaking the hands of others
• (rich people)
• (ceo’s) 
• (people who didn’t wear reeboks to meet the president)
• so i skipped school to see obama
• (naturally) 
• (but my teacher was a republican so it still counted as an absence) 
• and the adventure begun
• but as i soon learned
• most of the adventure was waiting in a large room with my mother and some secret service men for roughly eight hours 
• because there is no timing with obama
• (barack obama)
• no one can know when obama is supposed to be there
• (barack obama)
• there is no, like, obama warning system
• (barack)
• it’s just that one second he’s not there
• and the next second
• he’s there
• (barack obama)
• so it was eight hours
• and i remember nothing from those eight hours except for when one of the secret service men tried to talk to me
• ‘how are your studies,’ he said
• how’s school, he probably meant
• but i didn’t understand at the time
• i was a gangly child
• i was scared
• he was tall
• (i cried)
• and then all of a sudden
• (about eight hours into the eight hours)
• he was there
• (barack obama)
• he was beauty 
• he was grace
• he was
• (barack obama)
• he walked into the room
• he wasn’t wearing reeboks 
• (i noticed)
• (i began to feel i’d made a mistake)
• my mother took pictures of him shaking the hands of others
• (rich people)
• (ceo’s)
• (none of whom were wearing reeboks) 
• and at the very end
• obama began to leave 
• (barack obama)
• i was happy enough to have graced his presence
• but my parents
• my parents were not happy
• they needed more
• ‘mr. obama,’ they called
• and they pointed to me
• ‘of course,’ obama said
• (barack obama)
• he’s so nice, i thought
• and then it hit me
• oh no, i thought
• oh yes, my parents thought at some point, probably
• i’m obama, obama thought, most likely
• i was going to meet obama
• up close and personal
• obama
• (barack obama)
• the rest was a blur
• and the next thing i knew i was there
• with obama
• (barack obama)
• his hand was shaking my hand
• his hand was on my hand
• (nothing had ever felt so right)
• ‘so what’s you’re name,’ he asked 
• (with obama’s voice)
• (because he was obama)
• (barack obama)
• and i almost forgot but i told him
• and he said it correctly even though it’s weird 
• (obama said my name)
• and we were off to a good start
• how was i to know
• how was i to know the horrors to come
• ‘so how old are you,’ he asked then
• and that’s when this dream became a nightmare
• ‘twelve,’ i said
• a seemingly innocent answer
• but here’s the thing
• i was 
• thirteen. 
• (thirteen)
• (13)
• (12+1)
• (16-3)
• (13.0)
• (Thirteen.) 
• what have i done, i thought
• (panic! at the election)
• https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m3LGopSVju4
  
• i still don’t know why i did it
• did i really forget? 
• did i do it for the thrill of the chase?
• to see if i could?
• maybe
• but obama didn’t know
• i did it, i thought, i lied
• i lied to the president of the united states
• i pulled it off
• the greatest lie in history
• the greatest heist
• (i didn’t know what a heist was)
• (i was thirteen)
• ‘oh so you’re in 6th grade then,’ obama said
• shit.
• i was so close
• shit what do i say, i thought
• the journey is not over
• the nightmare rages on
• what do i say
• i open my mouth to say, yes
• ‘no,’ i say
• what the fuck, i think 
  
• ‘no i’m in 7th grade” 
  
• (because i was)
• maybe he won’t know, i thought
• but he did.
• (obama’s been around the block)
• (obama knows what’s up)
• ‘so you’re ahead of your class, then’ he said
  
• (i wasn’t)
• (i failed basic math at least twice by this time)
• ‘yes,’ i said, just wanting this nightmare to be over
  
• just wanting the lie to end
• for obama to call me out on my shit and arrest me
• to spend the rest of my youth locked away in prison where i couldn’t hurt anyone any more with my lies
• i waited
• i waited for arrest
• but arrest didn’t come
• and that was even worse.
• obama trusted me
• obama thought i was a good kid
• obama thought i was ahead of my class 
• (ahead of my class) 
• i let him down
• i let obama down
• (barack obama)
• i watched him leave
• https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qYNH1baA_7k
  
• obama, i mouthed out after him
• obama i’m sorry
• (he trusted me)
• why did i do it, you ask
• i don’t know
• after all these years
• i still don’t know
• it still haunts me
• i still wake up at night, shaking, and i think
• i lied to the president of the united states
• (twice)
• the photographic evidence of my nightmare hangs in my father’s office
• i’m smiling through my pain
• i’m wearing reeboks
• obama is not
• (barack obama)
• i hope that someday, after obama’s retirement 
• we can put this all behind us and start anew 
• start fresh
• (no more lies)
• (no more deceit)
• but i’m not naive
• i know that we can never really go back
• back to the way things were
• five seconds after i met him but five seconds before i lied
• but i can dream
• i can hope
• obama
• obama i’m sorry
• (barack obama)

gayavatarstyle:

gayavatarstyle:

gayavatarstyle:

I get that being frozen for 100 years is a tough thing to go through but honestly Aang should have used it for comedy more

Katara: wow so this is Omashu

Aang: back in my day it was called weed city

Sokka: I’m… pretty sure it wasn’t

Aang: that’s what the fire nation wants you to think

Bumi, the second they arrive: welcome to weed city

Sokka: what the fuck

rocketreturns:

i mean this in the nicest way possible you guys but you NEED to take better care of yourselves online. getting severely anxious about mass quantities of horrible things you cant change every single day is normal considering the internet’s ability to educate on worldwide issues, it shows that you have empathy and that you truly do care. but relentless knowledge of constant suffering on this scale is NOT something humans are psychologically equipped to handle. it’s okay to shut off. it’s okay to just take a break and enjoy yourself for a while in your own localized space

crtter:

zagreus:

imagine seeing a post that says “kids don’t deserve to get bullied” and thinking this is a remotely acceptable response to it

this is exactly the sort of callous, heartless mentality that makes me SICK and if i catch anyone else i follow saying this shit or sharing it uncritically i WILL hunt you down and peel you like a grape

I was relentlessly bullied for being weird (which is to mean, neurodivergent) as a child and guess what? I didn’t “learn how to not be an obnoxious weirdo”, I only started hating myself and developed an anxiety disorder which made me become straight up afraid of people, aka even more weird. So if you claim bullying is a way to teach weird kids not to be weird, you’re not just a terrible person; you’re also stupid because it doesn’t work.